Happier, Definitely Happier

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So whatever happened to that Happiness Project?  I’m still committed to my happiness commandments but I fell off the blogging about it wagon.  Focusing on energy for January, marriage for February, work for March and family for April definitely pulled me out of the funk of 2013.  I feel like my old self again!  I am so happy about the results, but the elevated mood, increased energy, better days at work and at home have had a negative impact on my blogging.  Having to stick to a monthly focus made the blog feel like a project instead of an opportunity to just share.  So I’m ditching the official project part and keeping the happiness part.

A quick list of happiness triggers for me lately:

God answering prayers and showing me positive signs, good friends, my Bible Study group, watching my son play lacrosse, a weekend where I felt like I excelled at my role as daughter, wife and mother, expressing my creative side at work, a sunny vacation, my mom’s pancreas biopsy yielding great news, BodyPump classes, gardening and planting flowers, long days, springtime, accidentally leaving my suitcase at home for a 3 day weekend and not freaking out, learning new things about my industry, home-made ice cream, Game of Thrones, helping others, meditation and walks around the block.

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Daily Prompt: No footholds here

ImageI had an a-ha moment tonight. I think it is one I’ve had before, but it landed fresh on me today.  I realize that I am not comfortable with anger, whether or giving or receiving, it is an emotion I prefer to maintain a distance from.  Anger breeds more anger which ends up being a slow drip of toxic resentment. I resent that someone made me angry or was angry at me.  This emotion is not allowed, doesn’t everyone know that?  Sometimes I kid myself and think that if I just vent and talk it out, the anger will go away, but that just feeds my self-righteousness and resentment. 

I have definitely lost relationships over this.  I’m a grudge holder.  In the past, I’ve just worked on not getting angry, but anger is not the problem, it is my weird belief system about anger that is the problem.  I wonder what would happen if I focused on forgiveness instead of suppression? 

Daily Prompt